Panic Attack

Panic Attack: an episode of intense fear or apprehension that is of sudden onset.

I have never experienced this before. An attack of fear triggered by God knows what. Art class rolled around, my favorite class of the day, and I was feeling kind of weak. I sat down and started working on my project when towards the end of the period, I felt my chest tighten, my heart thud rapidly, and blood rushing through my veins. My breath got insanely fast and I started to feel even weaker and at the same time, very fast-moving. I guess this was the definition of a panic attack. I layed down in the nurses office for awhile, at one moment feeling exhausted, then feeling like my breath was escaping me too quickly. I got up and finished a project after, but ever since, I have been shaky and my heart will thud quickly at random times throughout the day.

I was sent to the social worker. I felt like I was insane... like something was extremely wrong with me. Then I realized it would help me in ways that could significantly change things for me. We discussed options that may have triggered the attack and other concerns of mine such as A.D.D. and depression. My dad told me he would make a doctor's appointment for me as soon as he can get me in, I'm just scared. What if I have technically been living a lie for this many years? I don't know what I'll do with myself. What if they put me on medication? I hope I wouldn't change who I really am with the effects of the medicine. I'm just lost and I was told to blog about it to make me feel a bit better. I suppose it's working, but the thought of a 3 hour rehearsal in heels is a drab.

I guess I'll be updating this more often.


(I also learned that City & Colour helps me get through tough times like this all the time.)